


The Hazards of Minty Lube

by JollyBigSis



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Hilarious torture of favourite characters, M/M, PWP, Pure Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-05-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 18:53:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1658831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JollyBigSis/pseuds/JollyBigSis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaiba should know better than to trust Yami's purchases. A PWP oneshot with the couple from the 'Misgivings' ficverse. SK/YY.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hazards of Minty Lube

**Author's Note:**

> Yep, the evil plunnies are back with another "PWP" onsehot involving the Contemplations/Misgivings ficverse pair, the stories can be found in my FFNet account. Please enjoy~!
> 
> Warnings: Slight lemon, references to male genitals, cussing and pure utter crack!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

* * *

The room was sparsely lit with candles that illuminated the naked couple on the bed, but threw dark and sharp shadows where the light failed to reach.

The ambience and the mood was perfect. The two lovers whose limbs were entwined around one another, explored each other with wild abandon—too captivated to pay heed to anything else.

The larger male reached out towards the nightstand and fumbled blindly around for the lube he knew was there. After retrieving it, he pulled away from his lover's lips and looked at the item. A frown marred his face.

The lube was not their usual brand.

Giving it a wary look, Kaiba popped open the lid and poured a generous amount on his hand.

 _It's stronger than the other brand_ … he thought, sniffing distractedly as the invisible, yet potent coils of menthol wafted in the air.

With a dismissive shrug, he smeared it around and inside his lover's entrance before aligning his erection against it.

Without further preparation or warning, he pushed his arousal inside his partner's passage.

Stilling all movements, he waited patiently for his lover to adjust whilst yielding to the most peculiar sensation that seem to emit from within. The coldness of the lube on his cock was the first thing he noticed as he tried to name the unfamiliar feelings that was creeping up on him...

" _FUCK_!"

The two men leapt off the bed and rushed towards the en-suite bathroom. The smaller male, getting his foot tangled in the rumpled bed sheet, tumbled forward. Fortunately, the man's quick thinking and agility prevented him from falling flat on his face. Stretching his arms out in front of him; he broke his fall and pushed himself up.

"GO," Yami mouthed to his lover; who, after observing the other's recovery and was assured that no harm had befallen him, dashed forward.

Carrying none of their usual grace, the pair was clumsy in their panic and comical in their haste—almost crashing into the doorframe in their blind need to get inside the bathroom.

Kaiba had made a beeline for the hand washbasin and had flipped open the faucet to place his, now, flaccid cock under the stream of water.

"Fuck, _fuck_... _FUCK_!"

His lover, however, leapt into the shower and was whimpering under the powerful spray.

"What the fuck was _that_ , Yami?" growled Kaiba, leaning further into the water and lathering soap around his genitals to rid it of whatever hellish stuff his lover had decided to experiment with. "It _burned_!"

"It's a new brand of mint lube," Yami replied miserably over the noise of the pounding water. "I saw it advertised in the shop the other day, it promised a 'cool and tingly' effect so I thought I'd give it try."

"Last time I checked, 'tingly' didn't imply scalding and a searing pain!" Kaiba replied sarcastically, taking a mental note to _never_ allow Yami to replenish supplies and _never_ trust Yami's impulsive purchases. Last time was 'fruit flavoured glow-in-the dark' condoms, which nearly cost them their relationship. This time it was a mint lube, which cost him dearly in the genitals department.

_Yep, never again!_

"Well, _I_ am the one with the stuff inside of me and it's melting the walls of my rectum!" Yami sounded aggrieved as he went on the defensive, reminding the other of how he, too, was suffering. Perhaps, he could gain a little sympathy for his plight from the peeved male.

 _It was a bad move_!

"Yami, my balls are on _FIRE_! And my dick feels like it's been fucking torched!"

Yami sighed, his attempt to placate a little of Kaiba's ire had failed dismally. Trust the latter to take it as a childish challenge! Shit like that always ended up as one of those "who can piss the furtherest" contests—only this was translated to "who was hurting the most!" Some sympathy he got!

"Well, I wanted to try something different...I thought it would be fun to experiment! How the hell did I know it would burn?"

"It was _potent_ , Yami! And it fucking stung! If I thought it _fun_ to torture my private parts, I would have smeared fucking toothpaste on my dick! It'd have the same effect!"

Yami kept quiet, if Kaiba's eloquent way with words was anything to go by, the man was pissed! _Very pissed_!

"Lucky we weren't trying for children, I mean, I think you've managed to fry my testicles good and proper, not to mention par-boiled my sperm!"

Yami made a disgruntled noise and looked sour. He would have pouted if Kaiba were able to see it, the last remark riled him.

"Honestly, you think you have it bad? My passage has a raging inferno inside of it. I feel as if a whole tube of toothpaste's been squeezed into it...and it's STILL THERE! How the hell do I get rid of the sensation?" He turned in Kaiba's direction, his eyes narrowing. "Do you know if there's any popsicles left in the freezer?

Kaiba rolled his eyes. "Great, more wacky ideas! Fight fire with fire, why don't you?" he snorted, glaring at the shower cubicle from the mirror. "Listen, genius, I am not going to be de-splintering your backside with a pair of tweezers when that shit's melted leaving a fucking wooden lolly stick up your ass!"

"Who's the one with the lolly stick up their ass _now_ , I wonder!" Yami grumbled.

"If I _wasn't_ suffering from third degree burns on my genitals, I _wouldn't_ be acting like I _have_ a fucking stick up my ass, now would I?"

"Okay, I get it! If it makes you feels any better, I can roast chestnuts in my butt at the moment, so forgive?"

Kaiba sighed, his anger evaporating when he heard the faint tremble in his lover's voice. It was barely detectable above the noise of the water, but Kaiba noticed it. Pushing away from the basin, he shut off the faucet and walked over to the shower.

Opening the door, he slipped inside the steamy confinement and sought his lover out.

Yami was crouching on the floor with his arms across his knees and head on his arms. Water poured over his arched back and ran down his spine and along the crack of his backside. Crimson eyes looked up and met his blue ones.

"Come here," Kaiba said, holding out his arms to the dejected male.

Yami dutifully obeyed. Getting up and pressed himself against the hard chest of his lover and allowing those strong arms to enfold around him. He closed his eyes and sighed contentedly when he felt lips pressed against his temple. "Sorry," he mumbled.

Another kiss was placed in the same spot to acknowledge the apology. "Feeling better?" Kaiba's tender words comforted the unhappy man.

Answering with a diminutive nod, Yami looked up.

Kaiba claimed the pouty lips, deepening it with increasing fervour when the smaller body began grinding his hips against his. "Want to finish off what we started?" he asked huskily.

Yami responded with a hum.

Still attached by the lips, they stumbled out of the shower. Kaiba, grabbing a set of towels, passed one to Yami. They towelled dry each other the best they could with what little time they had before reaching the bed—what wasn't dried was effectively licked off. The act aroused both men.

Yami wound his arms around his lover's neck and arched his back with a purr. His arousal pressed onto the other's midriff, his lips brushing lightly on Kaiba's ear. " _Now_..." he demanded impatiently, gently tugging the soft tips of flesh with his teeth.

"As you wish," Kaiba smirked, leaning over his lover and reaching for the drawer in the nightstand.

Pulling it out, he started rummaging for the lube...becoming irate when the familiar shaped bottle eluded his fingers. The "burn-your-cock-and-testes" brand stood on the nightstand, mocking his search.

Foiled by the blind attempt to find it, Kaiba climbed over his reclined lover and peered into the drawer, cursing softly as he rummaged through the numerous sex aids.

Finally, a triumphant "Aha" spoke of Kaiba's success and the man pulled back and settled between his lover's parted legs once more.

Hungry crimson met his. Yami looked at him through half-lidded eyes, lust radiating from them and drowning him with promises of things to come… _Naughty things._

Without taking his eyes off the figure on the bed, Kaiba undid the lid of lube and held out his palm under the opening of the bottle. Placing his thumb on the trigger of the pump, he pressed down...

 _Nothing_...

He pressed again.

 _Nothing_ … _again_.

Press, press, _PRESS_!

 _Finally_ , _something_...

A hiss of air escaped the container.

"Er... Yami..."

"Hmmm?"

"We're out of lube..."

" _WHAT_?"

Horrified blue and crimson shifted from the empty container to the "Cool and Tingly" lube on the nightstand...and back to each other again...

" _OH. FUCK_!"

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, another nonsensical and pointless oneshot, but nevertheless, I hoped you've enjoyed it~!


End file.
